My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
