the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
