and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
