ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
