he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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