I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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