____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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