You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
