Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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