dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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