it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no you cant smoke seaweed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
did i just pee glitter
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
