Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
