Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
