i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize