We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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