Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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