I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
