He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
