i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
