youre lurking in front of me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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