I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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