yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
