She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
