I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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