The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
