just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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