Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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