I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
