what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
