You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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