She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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