theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
whose parrot is this?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
