i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
