how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just come out here and I will go home with you...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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