i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
