Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
