:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
