i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
