and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
