wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize