Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
