Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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