You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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