Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
