But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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