Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he had hair everywhere except his balls
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
