remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
no, he came in my armpit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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