Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I party with great urgency now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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