woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
