Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
