I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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