Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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