i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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