better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
