What did we do last night that was yellow?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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