Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
