Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
