His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
