I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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