for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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