This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
