i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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