reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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