I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
