Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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