you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
