So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
