saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
