I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
