my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
