a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize