Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
