i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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