I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
