I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
