overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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