just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
