Nicole vs. Life
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
