Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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