Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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