he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
